Blog Update

After lots of back and forth, I decided to move everything from my old blog to this one. It’s too much work to update two different blogs, and I just can’t do it. It’s not like I’m a prolific blogger in any case, and two blogs is just not a possibility for me.

Originally this blog was meant to be mainly for writing, but I am someone who likes to overshare write about my every day life, so I struggle to not do that. So it’s better to just have everything in one place. The name of this blog makes more sense as well. As much as I love the name “Carpe Effing Diem”, I think this one is more me. I’ve never really been one to seize the day as it were, I’m a worrier and someone that has to think about things before I do them. Preferably for days or weeks.

The Struggling Writer sounds a lot more like me. I am want to be a writer, and I struggle daily. Not just with writing, but just about everything, really.

So from nowon, this will be the blog I use, where I will share things about my life and my struggles with writing, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia and everything else.

I’ve just imported everything from my old blog, so while I sort through about 10 years of blogging, it may look a bit disorganised, but I will get there, I promise!

Change is Coming

2017 is a year of change for me. It has to be, since I am determined to get back to writing and get my novel published. One of the reasons that I was unable to do pretty much anything last year was that my chronic fatigue coupled with my current job was sapping me of all my energy. Literally.

I would force myself out of bed in the mornings, already exhausted. I’d spend my day at work, keeping up a happy front, not letting people know how bone-tired I really was. Then as soon as I came home, I’d just deflate basically. Unable to keep my eyes open, I’d fall asleep and easily waste hours. Eventually I’d force myself up again, make some dinner. Maybe have an hour or two of trying to stay awake before going to bed for the night.

I’m writing it in past tense, but that is still the case today. It’s a struggle, and I can’t keep doing it. I get nothing done outside of working, since all I seem to do is sleep. Writing suffers. My chores around the home suffer. I suffer.

So, with that in mind – I’m making changes.

In an effort to get some energy back, I’ve quit my job and I’m instead going to a different job that is three nights a week rather than five days a week. It’s my hope that this will solve some of my lack of energy, since I won’t work as many days straight in a row – giving me more time to recuperate some energy. Which in turn should also give me more time to write (and do the other things that need doing).

It’s possible that it’s not going to make a difference, that I’m just too far gone into the rabbit hole of tiredness and exhaustion – but I have to try, because I can’t keep going like this.

Fingers crossed, that this will pay off – and I can get into a good routine of work, sleep, writing and having a bit of a life again.

Pinterest

A few years after everyone else, I finally discovered Pinterest. While it’s definitely something that makes you feel inadequate, it’s also great for inspiration and ideas. I’ve started boards for some of my writing, as well as for general use.

If you’d like to keep an eye on my Pinterest, you can find it here.

Amongst other things, I have boards for:

Writing Help

Writing Help

Inspiration for Home

Inspiration for Home

Writing Inspiration / Quotes

Writing Inspiration / Quotes

 

The Repository

Posts marked as Repository are old stories and poems that I’m putting on here for safekeeping. One of my hard drives blew up, and I lost most of my old stories. Fortunately a friend had copies of some, and I found another few on an old website. As I go through them and format them I will be dumping them on here.

They’re nearly all written when I was a teenager, so my writing isn’t the best (then again, it still isn’t, I’m always working on getting better), but you’re all welcome to read them.

I have made a page on the site, also called Repository, where I will link to each new post in the category so that they’ll be easy to find. There I will also put a tiny bit of information about the story.

 

A small “hello”

It’s been almost exactly ten years since I ran into the proverbial wall and had a burn out. I still remember the morning that I woke up a couple of hours before the alarm was supposed to go off, violently shaking and in a panic about the very idea of leaving the relative safety of my bed. It seems impossible for someone who’s never been in that situation, I imagine – but at that very moment, I could no more get out of that bed and go to work than I could have climbed Mount Everest.

Up until that point I had been working very hard, both in my professional job and at writing in my spare time; finishing two novels while also dealing with a stressful job and equally stressful things going on in my private life. All together, I guess they contributed to my eventual downfall. And fall I did, hard. Suddenly I wasn’t able to do anything.

I was someone who always prided themselves on being organised and remembering most things without writing them down, and suddenly I couldn’t remember the simplest things. To this day, I still struggle with my memory, and from having considered myself very stress-resilient, I now can’t handle any stress without coming apart at the seams.

Not only was I unable to work for quite some time after this, I found myself unable to write. Suddenly I was a writer without words.

Since then I’ve been through a lot, I’ve found myself back to a semi-decent life, though I still suffer from chronic fatigue and chronic pain (turns out that I have fibromyalgia, which might have been a factor in my burn out, or it may have come after… who knows). I’ve learned to deal with these things though, and after moving countries twice, breaking a leg, having a failed surgery (not leg related) that has damaged me in several ways, I’m feeling like I’m in a position to start to seriously look at what else I want to change in my life.

First and foremost; I want to start writing again.

And so I’m starting this blog both as a way to get me to write, and to hopefully keep me motivated by forcing myself to put how much I’ve done. The idea is that 2017 is the year that I will get into a writing routine, and get at least one of my two novels published.

Please join me on this journey!